so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
