I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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