i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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