My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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