I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
