It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
