I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
