So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize