now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
