I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
