I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
