No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
