Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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