i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
