Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
