No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize