So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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