I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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