why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
