Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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