he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
