Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I want a musical about memes.
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