I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
