I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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