Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize