She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
pray to the hookup gods
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
