I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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