Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
