lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
