she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize