I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Shame - the story of my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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