who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
