Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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