like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize