I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
