So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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