Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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