You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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