note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
