Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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