We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
