I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
