WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I did not marry a roomba.
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