Yo dont text me then not text me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
