I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
