So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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