Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
