Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
