I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
