When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
