is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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