so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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