Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want her autograph on my taint
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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