New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
