Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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