I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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