who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
