But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
