I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize