why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
