guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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