Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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