some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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