I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my sisters under your porch take her home
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
